Do you pay attention to your dreams? I'm not talking about the ones of winning the lottery or becoming a published author, but your nightly dreams while you sleep.
I used to keep a dream journal for a long time and it was especially useful when I was seeing a psychotherapist. By interpreting my dreams, I was able to help myself understand their underlying meanings which I believe were integral to my healing.
Last year I began recording my dreams again in a small journal. Most nights, I remember nothing, but when I do, even if it's a snippet of a dream, I write it down. Sometimes I make a connection to what it could mean...most of the time, it's pure nonsense.
Recently I dreamed I was waiting with a group of people with my suitcase packed. I think we were leaving one hotel and getting ready to go to another one. I was so glad I packed the bulletproof suitcase! Throughout the dream I kept smelling paint thinner. Someone told me that the artist Carole Silverstein was looking for me. I walked down the hall of the hotel which really looked like a dormitory or a lodge when I noticed the paint thinner smell was especially strong near one door. Outside the door, two long cardigan sweaters hung on hooks and I thought...oh, one must be mine and the other, Carole's. Since she's an artist and teacher, the paint thinner smell must be coming from her room. Then I woke up.
A day or two after the dream, Carole sent me an email asking if I was interested in taking another art class like a did in April. Coincidence? No, I don't believe in random coincidences. The way I see it, The Universe was giving me a nudge to create art again and that a teacher was available to help me do that.
Back in July onboard our cruise along the Seine, I received a similar sign. On the morning we were to tour Monet's house and gardens in Giverny, I saw something peeking out from underneath the nightstand in our cabin. It was a student grade colored pencil! I brought no art supplies on this trip, mind you. I didn't even bring my daily journal because I knew I wouldn't have time to write. But as soon as I saw this pencil, I knew it was a sign for me to keep pursuing my creative expression.
I had been looking forward to working with Carole again for a quite awhile, but I was anxious. Like anything that uses my creativity, I seem to deliberately suppress my desire to do so. Those old tapes of "I'm not good enough" and "art doesn't pay the bills" kept running in my head. And until recently, other than a couple of blog posts, I hadn't written very much or made any art since that last class in April. Of course we were busy moving this summer, but even so, I still made time to write in my journal most days. Ultimately, I scheduled a second class.
Yesterday, Carole and I met again on Zoom. If you want to read about my first class, you can read it here. This time we worked with Bird as Messenger as our theme. We started the session with a relaxing meditation then she led me through a few short writing prompts helping me to name the bird I identify with most.
A few years ago when my hair was short and spiky, I looked in the mirror one day and announced that I looked like a peacock with its crown of tendrils shooting up from the top of its small head! I've always been attracted to peacocks, mostly for their beautiful feathers. I still drink my tea from a pretty peacock mug. I did my college internship at the NBC (Peacock) affiliate in Pittsburgh. And until he passed a couple of years ago, a gorgeous peacock lived in my neighborhood. One day he detained me from getting to yoga on time because he preferred to parade down the middle of the street at his own pace. Perhaps I don't identify with peacocks, but maybe I aspire to carry myself as a peacock, strutting my stuff at my own pace.
Next, Carole had me write what message the peacock had for me. I wrote this.
Dear Beauty, you are intrinsically beautiful. Not just physically, but the way you carry yourself. You are royal. You command respect just from your very existence. You are worthy of being here.
Whoa!
For the last writing exercise, Carole asked what bird energy or characteristic could I use more of? I wrote that I need to remember that like a bird, I can soar above any pettiness or unrest. I don't have to get my tail feathers in a bunch over anything. I can get a better perspective anytime I want. And I could definitely stand to eat more like a bird. LOL
Then after a short warm-up of filling a blank page with colorful scribbles, I began Project Peacock. Music played throughout our session and at the end, we shared our creations with each other. Just like last time, whenever I would get stuck or bored with what I was doing, Carole suggested changing something...use a new color, find a new place on the page to work, just keep making marks.
As I've mentioned in a recent post, I've been wanting to share more of my creative self whether it be through art or writing, so I am bravely choosing to show you the finished piece. I have proudly taped it to the wall above my art table. Perhaps the Peacock is my spirit animal reminding me that I am worthy of being here.
And also, that creative expression is not only my birthright, but it belongs to everyone. Maybe art is not your jam, but you like to cook or you're good at solving problems. It's all creativity. And it's important to keep creating, to make something...if not for yourself, then for others. We are all creative beings, created from The Creator itself.
As for the bulletproof suitcase, I believe we do need to protect our dreams and sacred wishes. And only if and when it feels safe to do so, can we begin to unpack and start sharing our creations with others. You will know when the time is right. Trust yourself.
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